You sent your child off on his first day of school with high hopes for a great year. You held your breath all day, fingers crossed. Then, when it was pickup time you heard the words that no parent wants to hear, ‘It was horrible and I hate it.’ That night you talked him through it, all the while remaining calm and positive, and hoped for a better day the next day…which for most kids it was; however, for your child, it wasn’t. Things didn’t pick up the next day either, and here you are days later with an unhappy child. What to do?
For children in Dallas, school has been in session for a week or so. Most are adapting well to the new classroom, schedule, teacher, and peers. However, some children just have a tougher time making transitions and so for them, the adjustment to school can be more difficult. These students need a little more from parents and teachers at the start to help them get settled. Here are some suggestions about how to help if those first days of school don’t go well.
For a younger child:
Let the teacher know and listen to her advice
Send your child’s teacher a quick email or note letting them know your child is struggling. Teachers have experience and training in how to help students make the transition to the classroom. Hopefully, the teacher will make a point to spend a little extra time getting to know your child and engage them in classroom activities.
Take the lead
Does your child feel connected to the kids in the class? If not, take the lead in planning an outing over the weekend or after school with one of the children. It doesn’t have to be a fancy playdate to a costly destination. Think about where your child will be most comfortable (home or neutral ground) and make plans accordingly. You might need to plan a couple of playdates in the first weeks of school to help your child feel more comfortable with his classmates.
Give your child a little extra attention and love
For the next few weeks, make a point to spend some extra time with your child. Go to the bookstore together and pick out a book that you can read out loud to him. Start a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table.
Reassure your child
Be sure you convey to your child in your words and actions that while you know it may take some time for him to get used to school, you believe he will make the transition and eventually enjoy the year.
For an older child:
Listen, listen, listen
It’s easy to make suggestions and try to ‘fix’ your child’s problems. However, what your child really needs is to be heard, to have a place to let it all out safely. Listening to your child, empathizing with their pain and struggle, and purposely not interjecting your wisdom may leave you feeling drained and down; however, your child will likely feel lighter, even a bit happier, because they’ve vented. Listening is truly a gift you can give to your child.
Brainstorm
Be your child’s sounding board first and foremost. At some point later when he’s regrouped, go back to him and talk about one of the challenges he’s facing. Encourage him to come up with some possible solutions. Don’t overwhelm him by bringing up every struggle. Just focus on one at a time.
Let your child’s advisor know
Send your child’s advisor a brief email and let them know your child is having difficulty adjusting. The role of an advisor is to be your child’s advocate and help guide them through tough times.
Give your child a little extra attention and love
Though your child is on the cusp of young adulthood, he still needs your love and support. Make time to do something he likes, whether it be playing a video game, perusing the latest app’s, or going for an end-of-summer snow cone.
If it takes your child longer to settle into the new school year, don’t fret. However, if time (and some of these suggestions) don’t make things better, consider a face-to-face meeting with your child’s teacher, advisor, or counselor. Don’t give up…it will get better!
© Eleanor Munson, Ph.D. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from Eleanor Munson, Ph.D. is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Eleanor Munson, Ph.D. with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
